Whaddya Think

I believe that for the most part, we should try and live our lives by the idea that we will, first, do no harm (to borrow the Hippocratic oath). Beyond that, if you can move through your life- the time and space you will occupy in this universe- and somehow by your passing you not only wreak no more havoc, but you try and heal some of what has been done. .. to repair and heal the world. That is the best legacy. Someday I hope that my achievements in life- the people I've met, the things we've said to one another, my choices, that they add up to having helped in this cause in some way. I hope that desperately.

It's funny, growing up fundamentalist christian you kind of have this conception that your life is good and positive if you follow certain rules. If you live your life according to guidelines about drinking and smoking and fucking and having the right opinions about people who are different than you. It's about your behaviour. I never found happiness in that, and even in milder forms of Christian practice. For me, it never spoke to the wide expanse that I felt was existence. I felt like I could try to force myself into being a certain person, that if I just finally got the rules right, if they finally became second nature, I would know my life was valuable and right and good. But it never worked out that way. I never felt fulfilled by that kind of devotion. Because it seemed like a waste of time. If I never had a bisexual flirtation or said "goddammit" out loud, how was that, in a world historical sense, doing anything? This is just how I came to see things. I think devotion in a Christian framework- devotion to a concept of goodness and caring- isn't necesarrily bad. It just wasn't for me. I think I pretty much knew it wasn't so fulfilling by the third grade.

What a rant. Well, I guess that's partly what this blog is for. My mission today: get my tire fixed on my car, rejuvenate my spirit, and listen to some happy music that reminds me how pretty life can be. Because it can indeed be pretty.
Possibilites in this vein: Guero by Beck, These Words by Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield, Take Five by Dave Brubeck, Obla Di Obla Da by The Beatles, Four Seasons by Vivaldi (this also makes me really aroused- is that strange?), I Will Follow by U2, Let's Kiss and Make Up by Saint Etienne